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| The Big Car |
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The Big Car was worried; he had heard his owner's lady
complaining that he was too hard to park and she didn't like driving him. "It
isn't fair." he thought, "I can't help being big; I have all sorts of special
powers to make me feel lighter and easier to park and I try my best. I'm still
lovable even if I am big". |
| He had heard this complaint before though and it made him feel
insecure. He didn't sleep very well that night. His garage was very luxurious;
clean, dry and well looked after but alas, also contained two smaller cars. He
felt scared. What would happen to him if no-one wanted him? |
| During the next few weeks he seemed to stay in his garage more
and more; it was quite comfortable but not very exciting. He was a Big Car and
he wanted to roar his engine again "Vroom, Vroom.!" and feel the wind over his
bonnet; that was his job and he missed it. He began to get to know the mice and
the cats - even the spiders. He wasn't fond of spiders; they hid inside his
wing mirrors and tickled him. The mice were sweet but cats avoided him because
his engine was not warm as he hadn't been out recently; they curled up on
whichever car had a nice warm bonnet. They used to come to him. |
| One day his owner came into the garage and started his engine.
Although the Big Car found it difficult as it had been a while since he had
been driven and his battery was a bit run down he started with a roar. The Big
Car was proud of himself but his owner seemed not to notice; the Big Car felt a
little sad and disappointed. "I shall be sorry to lose you" said his owner "You
are very beautiful but I have no time to run you as I am always working, and my
lady doesn't like you; I'm afraid I shall have to trade you in for a smaller
car". It was the Big Car's worst nightmare...more |
| La plus ca change |
| The beginning |
|
Complaisance reflected that he must be the most fortunate
person. He was rich, clever, twenty-one years old and was a member of the
élite in the Great-Eastern State, the most powerful state in the
Federation. For his birthday he had been given the latest little red
road-mobile. His stepfather, General Stormina Teacup had recommended him for
the Military Academy, which was his first step to becoming a fighter pilot. He
could then train to fly the fastest jet planes that existed against enemies of
the Great-Eastern State. You could always recognise enemies of the
Great-Eastern State as they were not pink with blue spots and did not wear
baseball caps. |
| His tutor was the psycholapologist Dr Vorkerkio, who taught him
about life, death and the meaning of the universe. He often described the past
before the Great-Eastern State had civilised the Western world: when anarchy,
rape and pillage had been the normal way for the barbarian hoards. His personal
trainer and spiritual mentor was Clancy Meg. She taught him how to
scientifically read his astrological chart to guide his every decision. She
told him how in the past men had truly believed that the future could be
foreseen by examining the entrails of a sacrificed animal - or human. Barbaric!
She was a very important person as she advised the president of the
Great-Eastern State about the best decisions too. Sometimes he depended on her
scientific knowledge to decide on important matters of state such as the timing
of crucial by-elections and wars. |
| Complaisance was in love with the State president's daughter
Islington who was the most delicious creature alive; she was lissom and bosomy
and he could hardly manage to contain his great emotion when she came close to
him. Her father was a God-fearing man who worshipped the Lord first, his family
second and dutifully devoted his life to his country and mamon - an
affectionate term for his mama Complaisance believed. Her mother was a former
beauty queen who had used her success to go to outlandish places to help poor
people selflessly; although she had unwittingly amassed a large fortune.
Complaisance was certain that it was only lack of time that stopped her
spending this fortune on homes and food for the needy. |
|
Islington was General Stormina Teacup's goddaughter and the
general was exceedingly fond of her. She had stayed most week-ends with them
recently and was kind enough to massage the general whenever he felt tense,
which was often as life was always full of tension for such an important man.
It was just as well that Islington had studied Tai Chin Yu Stuffit at the
Mahareshti Clinic in Hamburg. She was also an honours graduate in
politico-correctico-mandatico and looked after every small detail of correctico
in the House. |
| Complaisance did wonder how the general managed to remain such
a generously proportioned man when he worked so hard and worried so much. It
would have made a thin man of most people, but the general was made of sterner
stuff. "At least" thought Complaisance "he will last for three weeks longer
than ordinary people like me: he has made sure that he has developed the
reserves to do so. What planning! What forethought!" ..........more |
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